40 Days Seeking God

I realize I haven't actually written on this blog since February, a lot has changed since then. I got the job as a student pastor and I begin July 3rd, I finished my MDIV in pastoral studies at Tyndale and I've had a month off. Now it's not like I've done nothing for the past month, I've spoke at a youth retreat, polished off a personal doctrinal questionairre for Alliance Church accreditiation, read Genesis, Exodus, Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis and the Irresitable Revolution by Shane Claiborne, turned 26, celebrated mothers day with both mothers, attended 6 blue jay games costing a total of less than $50, was on the jumbo tron 3 times and recieved 1 ball, spent far too much time on yahoo fantasy sports (however I am placed 4th of 10 and by the end of the week should be in 2nd), learned how to throw a curve ball, fork ball, 4 seam and 2 seam fastball on youtube.com then I went to the nearby park and pitched the heat.
On Sunday I was at Temple Baptist Church in Sarnia and the youth pastor Dave Lane put into words what I had been feeling throughout the last month. He said " Reading God's Word and Praying are the two hardest things we as followers of Jesus are called to do, they're hard because Satan know's if we do them we are unstoppable". During this period of "free time", the time I've had off since mid-April to now has been the most difficult time for me Spiritually. Yes I"ve read Genesis and Exodus, but to be honest I really only spent about 4 good hours reading the Bible for about 3 days last week, and my prayer life has been dismal, I've really only spoke to God in one of those candid, honest, and truly connective prayer experiences two or three times since I finished school. It's been extremely hard, I haven't been able to focus, I've become discouraged, I've experienced fear, I've been tempted away from my realtionship with God, I've felt Satan's attacks on my mentality as he has tried to destroy the excitment, the passion, to distort the vision God had begun to give me for the youth of Owen Sound.

Community is soo important to our walk as followers of Jesus, when Julie gets home I understand the comfort of having another follower of Jesus keep me accountable, I miss praying with my former leadership team at Awakening (Carruthers Creek), I miss discussing end times and the way of Jesus with my fellow Tyndale classmates, but Jesus spent 40 days in the desert with only his memory of the scripture, the Spirit, angels, the Father, and that pest Satan. The Christian life is all about community, the foremost community is to be primarilly between me and the Trinity. The Christ follower cannot rely too heavily upon the community of fellow believers, because eventually God will isolate us, so it's just me and Him. Eventually the wilderness experience will catch up to all of us who claim to be followers of Jesus, the Spirit will lead us into the dessert just like the Spirit led Jesus. Sometimes we refuse to go and be alone with God, sometimes we fake it (we think we've tricked God by leaving our cell phones on, you know those prayer sessions that are just about you feeling like you've put in the time but the whole time you're thinking about other stuff), sometimes it takes us a long time accept the uncomfortable silence, the loneliness of being cut off from the noise of our typical everyday lives. Eventually the Spirit will catch up to us, I'm not sure how it happened for you, but for me it meant a prolonged period of inbetween.

Now Jesus used this 40 day period to be empowered, which he then went to transfrom the world as he began his public ministry and finished off the curse of death (both present and future). I have exactly 41 days left before I begin my new role as student pastor at the Alliance Church. I've decided I want to use this time to seek God, to become comfortable again in His presence (which I know is a scarry idea since God will definetly make me more uncomfortable with the brokeness of the world around me, most likely forcing me to leave or at least get up from this comfy couch, the mindless t.v., and the enjoyable internet sites i.e. yahoo sports, youtube, hotmail, craiglist). These things are fine, but I'm thinking there's got to be more, and my heart keeps saying there is more, you just have to want it, and do something about it.
So here's what I'm going to do.

For the next 40 days I intend to spend at least 1 hour per day reading the Bible, at least 30 minutes in prayer, and at least 30 minutes journaling my experience, the conversations with God, His challenges to me, and my struggles.

And so it begins...