Love Learned

When Greg had this idea to commit to writing about what we were learning and how we were being challenged I was excited about the possibility and what it could become. I may have secretly even had this crazy idea that I could be the next 'Julie' from "Julie and Julia" and people all over the world would be anticipating my next post. However, now as I sit here with Rowan sleeping in my one arm (because at 8 months he still refuses to nap in his crib) and writing this out the old fashioned pen and paper way (because Greg's computer broke down) I am having more than second thoughts. Despite my feelings of inadequacy as a writer and even as a learner, I am determined to give this my best shot and commit to writing 3 or 4 times a week about what God is teaching me and some of my insights as a house wife and new mom.
I became a mom almost 8 months ago and it really has welcomed me to an entirely new world. Nothing could have even prepared me for this new experience and way of life but also for the love that I would develop for this new life. If was my first love at first sight experience and as the days and months have passed the love has continued to grow stronger and stronger for this little baby boy, my beautiful Rowan. Of course I have been in love before; with my amazing husband, family and friends too, but this love was just different. There is nothing that Rowan does necessarily to make me love him or even anything that he could do that would make me love him more. I just love him, everything about him, from the messy stuff to the cute fun stuff. He is my most precious, amazing little boy. All this to say that I believe that after having a child it has allowed me to understand just a bit of Gods love for me. In the same way that I love and cherish Rowan, God loves me that much and more. As hard as it is for me to wrap my head around, He doesn't hold my sins over me and allow them to effect the way He feels about me. His love love has no conditions or expectations or even limitations. While I recognize that I can't do anything to make God love me more it doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to please Him more. As I gaze down at Rowan as he sleeps I love every curve and line on his face and every hair on his head. He is my creation (and of course God's too). When he hurts, I hurt. When he laughs and smiles, so do I. I believe God looks down from heaven at me with somewhat similar thoughts, loving everything He sees.
My prayer is that I might not forget the crazy love that God feels towards me. May my actions and thoughts not be ruled by guilt or fear but out of understanding this remarkable love from God. May I have confidence in who I am and what I am to become being sure that there was no mistake made when God created me. Knowing that when he looks at me He loves everything He sees and He will be looking upon my life with those eyes as I continue to become the woman, wife and mother He wants me to be.