Play-Doh

Tonight we were at our friends house for home group and while the adults have the study and prayer portion of the night, the kids are rounded up and play together in another room. My friend thought it would be fun to have them play with play dough, so we put them around the table and rolled up their sleeves. Of course it didn't take long before one was crying. It seemed that one of them wanted a knife to cut the play dough with and so we found a plastic one in the box. Well it didn't take long before each child had to have a knife. We searched the kitchen drawers for more plastic knives and eventually each child had one. However, that wasn't enough because once they saw the shiny knife they all wanted that one, and then once they saw the pumpkin carving knife they all wanted that one and then they wanted the black plastic knife. What was interesting is that they were never happy with what they did have. As an adult I was able to see that clearly the play dough knife was the best one for the purpose of cutting and shaping play dough but they could not see it. They were too involved in the action to be able to see clearly and use proper judgment (and they're only 2 and 3 years old).


I felt the scene may be familiar to what God witnesses sometimes. He has given us the things we need, even way more than we need but it is never enough. It is never the right thing, or the thing that someone else has. When we are down deep in our messy lives we get so distracted by what other people have that we forget to be thankful and appreciative of what we do have. God has greatly blessed me with both immaterial and material blessings. He has given me just what I need to do the job that He has called me to. May I not be so focused on looking at what my neighbor has that I forget to see what God has given me and be thankful for it and use it for His purpose.

No other god so near

God made His point quite clear on Sunday morning when I turned to greet a new family during the classic "turn and greet" portion of our service.

The handshake and awkward conversation that followed was really the conclusion of a funny story which began a couple weeks prior at the Olympic Torch Relay ceremony in downtown Owen Sound. At the Torch Relay Coca Cola was kindly handing out free unique 2010 Olympic 250ml bottles. My brother in law started downing them and putting away a "couple" for later. I got in on the action and soon had a couple pockets full (about 8). As we were waiting for the Torch to come by a man quickly made his way past us handing out limited ed. glowing coca cola bottles. We received 3 (1 for each of us) and waved them proudly as the Torch came streaming by. Later when we returned home my brother in law (always looking for quick money) checked eBay to see if these limited ed. bottles were selling, sure enough they were going for about $30 a pop - pun intended. Next day I had all 3 of ours up on eBay and the bids were coming in from Italy, Australia, Belgium, China, US and even Kingston ON. This quick money drove me to want more of the action. So I took it further, I put together an ad (saying I'd pay $10 for your Olympic Glow Bottles) on our local classifieds (Kijiji Owen Sound), and shelled out a couple extra $ to advertise on the main page top banner for everyone to see.

The view counter went nuts, 10 people, then 20, then 160 and now it's almost 400. But only 1 call. It was a young woman whose children wanted to sell their glow bottles and I was to meet them at about 12:30. After getting out the cash I was becoming embarrassed, I'm not a coke memorabilia fanatic, what was I doing? How was I going to explain this? Julie made it clear she was staying in the car. As we pulled up to a very nice home the children's faces pressed up against the window and I knocked on the door. I was invited in. I ended up buying a flag, 7 more glow bottles and a couple aluminum ones. I told the woman how I was planning to sell them on eBay and I tried to act somewhat normal making small talk with the children who were collecting money to buy a Nintendo DSI. The bottles were in pretty rough shape (wrinkled, torn, ripped) I wasn't sure if I'd be able to sell them, but I took the whole bunch for $40. As we pulled out of the driveway Julie said "I bet you'll run into them again" although I was hoping I was finished with the awkwardness.

"We know you, you bought coke bottles from us" was the first thing she said when I turned around to shake their hands. The husband gave me the same look he had on the day I came by their house. I quickly clued in to what was going on and asked the kids if they'd raised enough for their DSI and then I kept smiling and slowly turned around to sing worship to my God.

I worshipped God like I hadn't in quite a while, as it felt like God was laughing at the outcome of His inside joke. I laughed along as the joke was on me. I had stepped right into His kicker, the catch point, He had me all along knowing this Sunday's "turn and greet" would be lots of fun.

A point well made. I'm called to be in this position, I have responsibilities. God is watching how I operate my life on a daily basis. I can't make a couple extra dollars on the side without His knowing. It's impossible to categorize my life, and I don't normally want to. Except for the days I find myself involved in things I'm not overly proud of. These are the days I'd like to keep hidden from God.

I am reminded that God is omnipresent. (He's everywhere, knows every situation). That can be comforting or concerning. Depends on how we live our lives. Deut 4:7 " For what great nation has a god as near to them as the Lord our God is near to us..." No other god is so near as our God.

I Refuse To Do That

I often find myself coming to the place where I have been neglecting reading the Bible for way too long and then when I am ready to get back into it I just don't know where to start. I did that today for awhile as I was reading various beginnings of books or trying to just open to a random spot and see if God would speak to me through it. Well, I ended up in Galations, one of Paul's letters. I love these books, they still remain to be some of my favorites. I was reading about how our lives are not set right before God by rule keeping but instead through our relationship with Jesus. Trying to improve myself does not necessarily please God. It also talks about how this same idea applies to how I relate to others. It is not important that I appear righteous before others either and that peer pleasing religion wreaks everything that makes my relationship with God free and personal.
Sometimes I wish there was this big list of rules. I am for the most part a rule follower and sometimes I just think life is easier when I am just told what to do. I think that is why I always did well in school. But when I really think about what following a big set of rules would do for my relationship with God it would just become another thing in my life that I get done. I would get it finished for the day and then move on to whatever is next. That is so not my desire and my relationship with God is nothing like that. It is a relationship, it is personal and unlike anyone else's because I am unlike anyone else. I guess this is why it doesn't help me to compare myself to others or try to convince others that I am perfectly righteous. Of course I want to be encouraged and encourage others but I want to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. Christ lives in me. God is already impressed by me. I want to continue to rely on the Holy Spirit living in me to shape and control my thoughts and actions. Hopefully in doing this I may encourage all those that I have the opportunity to influence.

If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.
Galations 2: 21 (msg)

Julie

Discount Romance Packages

Last Friday during my day off I thought I'd surprise Julie a find the movie she's been wanting to watch (Love Happens). Problem was that it wasn't yet available to rent, so I thought I'd find it somewhere on the internet and just watch it online - I wasn't looking to download it, I just thought it might be in youtube or something. Turns out it was a terrible idea. I found it on some random site and so I set up the new projector (bought it used off ebay before Christmas), turned on the gas fireplace (which Julie and I put the finishing touches on just a couple days prior) and cuddled up to Julie on our big couch (yes I cuddle and yes our couch in the basement is big). 30 seconds into the movie pop-ups start jumping out of the screen and within 30 seconds my computer is on to a blue screen with the sentence "dumping memory" then silence and black screen.

Sometimes I just want the easy get deeper with God romance package. I want to sit down on my big couch with Jesus and stream into my life - a deeper devotional and prayer life. I quickly how found that life doesn't work this way, you have to create time to build a deeper relationship, it has to cost you something, you have to work at it. Sometimes I feel God saying "It cost Me something, why do you think it shouldn't cost you anything?

So, I'm working at it. It's easy to get lazy in our relationship with God, but it's so clear where this gets us. I was struck by Jeremiah 11:21 "the shepherds of my people have lost their senses. They no longer follow the Lord or ask what he wants of them. Therefore, they fail completley, and their flocks are scattered".

I'm given the blessing of being a modern day shepherd of God's flock and not only the flock but God has given me a family that watches how I live.

My Prayer - May I never loose my senses, Oh God forgive me if I do not ask what You want of me - May I not cause your people and my family to scatter from you, but the opposite. May You by your Holy Spirit teach me to know You, Help me to seek you with all my heart.

Love Learned

When Greg had this idea to commit to writing about what we were learning and how we were being challenged I was excited about the possibility and what it could become. I may have secretly even had this crazy idea that I could be the next 'Julie' from "Julie and Julia" and people all over the world would be anticipating my next post. However, now as I sit here with Rowan sleeping in my one arm (because at 8 months he still refuses to nap in his crib) and writing this out the old fashioned pen and paper way (because Greg's computer broke down) I am having more than second thoughts. Despite my feelings of inadequacy as a writer and even as a learner, I am determined to give this my best shot and commit to writing 3 or 4 times a week about what God is teaching me and some of my insights as a house wife and new mom.
I became a mom almost 8 months ago and it really has welcomed me to an entirely new world. Nothing could have even prepared me for this new experience and way of life but also for the love that I would develop for this new life. If was my first love at first sight experience and as the days and months have passed the love has continued to grow stronger and stronger for this little baby boy, my beautiful Rowan. Of course I have been in love before; with my amazing husband, family and friends too, but this love was just different. There is nothing that Rowan does necessarily to make me love him or even anything that he could do that would make me love him more. I just love him, everything about him, from the messy stuff to the cute fun stuff. He is my most precious, amazing little boy. All this to say that I believe that after having a child it has allowed me to understand just a bit of Gods love for me. In the same way that I love and cherish Rowan, God loves me that much and more. As hard as it is for me to wrap my head around, He doesn't hold my sins over me and allow them to effect the way He feels about me. His love love has no conditions or expectations or even limitations. While I recognize that I can't do anything to make God love me more it doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to please Him more. As I gaze down at Rowan as he sleeps I love every curve and line on his face and every hair on his head. He is my creation (and of course God's too). When he hurts, I hurt. When he laughs and smiles, so do I. I believe God looks down from heaven at me with somewhat similar thoughts, loving everything He sees.
My prayer is that I might not forget the crazy love that God feels towards me. May my actions and thoughts not be ruled by guilt or fear but out of understanding this remarkable love from God. May I have confidence in who I am and what I am to become being sure that there was no mistake made when God created me. Knowing that when he looks at me He loves everything He sees and He will be looking upon my life with those eyes as I continue to become the woman, wife and mother He wants me to be.

Dry on Cracked Cisterns

It's official I've entered the "dry season", which always seems to follow the Christmas and New Year festivities. This year however, seems dryer then ever. And the Spirit within me has been warning me of this for weeks, months even. It's what happens when you slowly let little injustices harpoon you. You get tired of empathy and begin to think and see every situation through your own unfortunate eyes. You begin to think too highly of yourself and just keep running on your past wise decisions and disciplines. I now find myself on the other side. Empty, dry, because I've forsaken "the fountain of living water and have dug for myself cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all" (Jeremiah 2:13)
The irony of it all is that I just finished a teaching a series on falling in love with Jesus: loving the things he loves. Getting back to the foundation of being a follower of Jesus. Actually falling deeper in love with him. I want to be falling in love with Jesus in a deeper way, but lately I've just been too tired, too undisciplined, too compromising.

Here begins a plea for things to change.

Today I ask God "make me want you, make me passionate for you again, I don't know how to regain my desire for you, but I know it's the source of my confusion, lack of motivation and underlying heart which has grown cynical and disillusioned"

A return to discipline, a return to my first love
5 chapters on week days
Honest conversations with God daily
A commitment to write 2-3 times a week on opposite days to Julie