Reproduce

It's 5:21pm on a Tuesday in January.  I'm alone in my kitchen.  This is extremely rare, the quiet.  I just finished talking on the phone with Julie who's 3hrs away at her parents with the boys, she said do something you enjoy tonight, watch a movie, go buy a book.  I decided to start by going for a run, it had actually warmed up enough that shorts was weird, but not frostbite weird.  The run felt good, just as I was running up the final hill my favorite Relient K song "celebrate the day" came on via shuffle (yes it's from the Christmas album) - I sang out of breath my favorite line singing "here is where you're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve, and from the lack of my persistency, we're less than half as close as I want to be".  The song continues on in celebration that Jesus is our saviour, meeting us exactly where we are at and saving us here, despite the fact that we seem to constantly stay at the same place.
So I get home and I decide I want tonight to be one of those nights that I never forget, one of those moments when I encountered God, I want to wake up tomorrow with the urge to mark this spot like Jacob did, so that I never forget that God spoke to me.

Okay so I'm not sure this is really appropriate.  God calls the shots, if He wants to speak with me then He will.  I can't just stop and expect Him to show up, can I?  I feel Him all the time nudging me closer, and I typically shut my brain off and watch some mind numbing t.v. or browse through sport articles on my ipod or check my email (which I already checked 4 minutes ago) - like my brain is trying to do now.  But no.  Not tonight.  I'm at a crossroads in my life (yah it's cliche) but really it's true.  God has always showed up for me, every step of my life.  He has led me and I've followed.  I need Him now.  My prayer for as far back as I can remember has been "God use me to do something great".  And over the years I've wrestled through the root of this desire, is it about me or about God.   And to be honest it's about both.  I'm not a theological brainchild, I'm not an incredible leadership strategist, I'm not the popular charismatic teaching pastor, not the most disciplined, but the gift I've been given is Faith and just enough of the rest to understand what it takes to really have that gift.  I can see it in my son,  he is most happy when he is doing something significant (he quickly figures out when his screwdriver isn't the real screwdriver, he wants to be involved and it's gotta count - real vacuum, real dishes, real hammer please).  I get it, that's me.  Why create me God if I can't be a part of what you are up to? Why give me this gift of Faith?  A gift that I'm still trying to figure out - as of right now I believe Faith is the burning desire within me to risk, to try to new things because this crazy Faith - ongoing confidence that God is an unshakable foundation.  I relate with Peter, I'd love to have the opportunity to jump on water.  Which is probably why the lyrics "if you're all you claim to be then I'm not loosing anything" from sidewalk prophets really hits my heart.

So, after all this thinking as I type, God has reminded me of who He's created me to be.  Gifts are meant for the body, for the Church - 1 Cor 12:4:11.  I've always been a start up guy, the guy with enough Faith to start something new, the guy who hardly see's something new as a risk - simply because "if it is of God it will not fail" and so why not?   This is what I have to bring to the body, the Church.   The faith to enable and empower others to risk and do that new thing, and I've been given enough of the other parts to help others understand what role in the body they are to play.

Reproduce.  Genesis 1 - 10 this is a major theme.  Everything is created to create.  And it hit me the other  day as I was reading this.  It's also stuck out to me all day.  Tonight I want to learn more on this.  I want to hear from God on what this means for my life, for my specific calling.

And so I will listen.